When I was 16, a boy asked me to be his girlfriend by burning me a CD of pop-punk songs and arranging the track list so that the first letter of each song spelled out WILL YOU GO OUT WITH ME?
Uh, yeah, that was a hard yes for me, because I had had a crush on him since the seventh grade, but also as someone who came of age with Lizzie McGuire and was living in the prime Degrassi Era, asking a girl out and exposing her to an early blink-182 bop at the same time was a romantic fucking gesture.
We dated until our freshman year of college and in that time he made me many more CDs. Although I am a strong, independent woman who don’t need no man to tell her “Good Riddance (Time of Your Life)” is bad*, I am an equality endgame feminist at my core, so I must give credit where credit is due and admit that a lot of what turned out to be my forever pop-punk favorites came from his playlists.
And I do mean forever.
When I think about the soundtrack of my life between the ages of 15 and 20, it begins with “Sugar, We’re Goin’ Down” and ends with “Weightless” or around the time Alex Gaskarth became friends with Demi Lovato. There are some outliers: I was an early adoptee of Simple Plan, a late adoptee of early Weezer, a Warped Tour dropout after things started being Cobra Starship-ed. (“Snakes on a Plane (Bring It)”, though, indeed, am I right — bring it directly to my veins.)
I don’t remember a goddamn thing from tenth grade advanced geometry or whatever bad math class decision I had made, but what I do remember is “From Under the Cork Tree” in its entirety. (And also that FRANKENSTEIN IS NOT THE MONSTER’S NAME.) (I WAS VERY COOL IN TENTH GRADE.)
I grew up where anything that wasn’t a cornfield in any direction took at least (6) Mayday Parade songs roundtrip. I spent a lot of time driving in a Jeep, and sometimes driving in other cars with boys, listening to Jack’s Mannequin and Motion City Soundtrack and Taking Back Sunday, but never Fall Out Boy because boys *hate* Fall Out Boy? We listened to “Pressure” by Paramore at pool parties, “A Fever You Can’t Sweat Out” front to back on carpools to the mall. I have cried A FEW tears at Bogarts in Cincinnati, Ohio when Yellowcard played “Ocean Avenue”, and ditched my boyfriend to see Tyson Ritter at Warped Tour.
All that to say, this was extremely my shit. And it is probably why, when I am a little drunk or feeling nostalgic, nothing brings me joy quite like an EXTENSIVE emo/pop-punk playlist on Spotify, or control of the music at a bachelorette party.
Me the next morning: DID WE PLAY “MISERY BUSINESS”?
Everyone else: YES, TWICE.
I am sure for some of you this is jarring—or, IDK, maybe all scene-lite kids grew up to be winged eyeliner experts with a Reformation sale shopping problem—because I do not come across as an extrovert who would do things like “mosh pit” or “sweat voluntarily at all-day music festivals.” To this I say, one, LOL, I absolutely did not mosh pit, my love for pop-punk was confined solely to a safe spot in the middle-back of the crowd or in my room or at the pool or in my car; and, two, did you skip the part where I said Tyson Ritter was there?
But it is true that I was, for all intents and purposes, a Hermione Granger type with the aesthetic of “Hilary Duff in the ‘So Yesterday’ video” plus Aeropostale and side-swept bangs who was mostly loud about her love (and hatred) for things in weekly essays for English class and on MySpace until she was caught by her parents.
And, also, listen. I’m no music historian, because unlike 1,000 other people at the E.W. Scripps School of Journalism, I did not intern at Billboard magazine. I do not claim to understand music on the same level that I understand cinema (by which I mean The Fast & Furious Cinematic Universe), or makeup, or how annoying it is that we’re allowing Sony to just be out here doing tf they want with Spider-Man properties. I have chosen my pop culture lane and firmly planted myself there. I have mad respect for people who want to review albums for reasons other than plucking opening credits songs for the soundtracks of their future novels’ future big screen adaptations helmed by JJ Abrams. I cannot fathom what it must be like to understand music technicalities, because my technical musical knowledge starts at “played clarinet for one year in middle school band because the boys I liked were in band” and ends in “I married a bassist.” I look at a sheet of music and my brain blacks out, but if you want me to draw you a chart of all the overlapping couples of Bachelor Nation from 2017 to present, I can absofuckinglutely do it. It’s just not in my wheelhouse to nerd out about music in a scientific snobbish sense, because I am too busy almost always thinking about where to find the black version of Shiv Roy’s turtleneck dress in S2E8 of “Succession.”
I’m not writing this lengthy love letter to 2000s pop-punk as a music expert, just as a girl whose first album she ever bought with her own babysitting money was Avril Lavigne’s magnum opus “Let Go.”
I decided that I didn’t have the energy or expertise to write a THINKPIECE** about the pop-punk revolution of my early, mid and late teens, and that the best way to ever talk about pop-punk is to just make a fucking PLAYLIST.
Here is mine. inspired by years of off-tune singing with my sister as we drove to Target, of curating faves from a high school boyfriend, of getting pink Converse dirty at a rainy, humid Warped Tour, of ~feeling Scene~ by moody, wordy (mostly) boys whose level of “I wrote this thing about you, or did I?” pettiness I will always aspire to, of having to Google fucking song titles because they are too long for the CD screen thing in the car — all perfectly timed for a trip to the mall if you live in Clarksville, Ohio.
The only rules are that the bands on this playlist had to have played Warped Tour and were generally Very Popular in the early to mid-late 00s. I even picked out a special lyric that you can use as an IG caption or the title of your next MySpace quiz where you passive aggressively let your BF know you’re mad at him.
Buckle your seatbelts because we might be rebels but not on the ROAD.
Meet Me @ the Mall (See You in 90 Minutes) – a playlist by hermionestuntdouble
- “JASEY RAE” – ALL TIME LOW | I’ve never told a lie, and that makes me a liar | WHAT. I… what! Can we just. Can we just take a moment to appreciate not only this bridge, but almost all All Time Low bridges, which always included some kind of slow down and some kind of repetitive, dramatic build up and IDK if I am using the right terminology, but if you go listen to “Put Up or Shut Up,” where this happens on every song, then you will know what I mean. All Time Low is my sister’s Fall Out Boy, thee pivotal band of her angsty youth. I listened to them more during the tailend of my pop-punk years, but they remain a close second or third for me, because the first two albums are nothing but straight bops, I will not hear any arguments at this time. If you haven’t rolled the windows down to sing, “I want you to mean it, Jay-SAAAAAAAAAY” then I am sorry, but you have not lived.
2. “PUNK ROCK PRINCESS” – SOMETHING CORPORATE | You can be my punk rock princess, and I can be your garage band king / You can tell me why you just don’t fit in, and how you’re gonna be something | Spoiler alert: I did indeed put both Something Corporate and Jack’s Mannequin on this playlist, because it is a different experience and Andrew McMahon deserves it all. This song is corny and perfect for 00s WB-type romance, and I fucking love it.***
3. “OCEAN AVENUE” – YELLOWCARD | We could leave this—TOWN!—and run forever | I remember hearing this song in the eighth grade, when my future ex-high school boyfriend used it for a PowerPoint presentation. (I used “SK8R Boi.”) This puts it at the beginning of my pop-punk spiritual journey, but if you think I didn’t do a stupid OMG face when I saw the street sign for the REAL Ocean Avenue the first time I visited California… Sorry to the haters (my husband), but this song will need to be played on repeat when a museum makes an exhibit about me and my books.
4. “SWING, SWING” – ALL AMERICAN REJECTS | DID YOU THINK THAT I WOULD CRY — ON THE PHONE?! | There will not be any AAR haterade on this here blog, because shit is good, shit is catchy, shit made them $1 billon when they sold “Dirty Little Secrets” to use in “She’s the Man” (IYKYK) and Tyson Ritter was (is?) hot as shit.
5. “GRAND THEFT AUTUMN/WHERE IS YOUR BOY” – FALL OUT BOY | Where is your boy tonight? I hope he is a gentleman | Taylor Swift always makes her fifth tracks her most emotional, so bring out the black kohl liner and NOT the waterproof kind! Fall Out Boy is *the* pop-punk band of my youth, and I will not apologize for it, even though I fell off the band(wagon) right after “Infinity On High,” and later the two sides of my brain could not comprehend that the same band that released this banger was now doing COLLEGE FOOTBALL COMMERCIALS because, IDK, I thought it was pop-punk to HATE SPORTS? But, whatever, get the bag. I’ll always have the mmrs of the Hot Topic posters in my bedroom (they were not scary enough for my parents to be like, “WTF”) and of listening to/talking about “From Under the Cork Tree” (see below) at lunch time every day in 10th grade and of not being allowed to go see the holy trinity of FOB, Panic! At the Disco and blink-182 in concert on a school night – my one true Nexus event (my parents thought it was too scary). Some of you memorize Bible verses and some of us will never not think about “Eighteen going on extinct.” FOB4EVA.
6. “A LITTLE LESS SIXTEEN CANDLES, A LITTLE MORE “TOUCH ME”” – FALL OUT BOY | I don’t blame you for being you, but you can’t blame me for hating it | Sorry, I literally could not make a playlist and not include something from “From Under the Cork Tree” even though “Take This To Your Grave” is the better album, if anyone wants to talk about it? Or talk about that time Band Wife Hilary Duff photoshopped a triple date with Joel Madden (ew!) and Pete Wentz!!!!!!! What is the tea!!!! Anyway, cute catchy pop-punk cinematic universe stuff here (watch the music video).
7. “YOU’RE SO LAST SUMMER” – TAKING BACK SUNDAY | You could slit my throat, and with my one last gasping breath, I’d apologize for bleeding on your shirt | Something I didn’t know when I was 16/17/first listening to Taking Back Sunday is that Taking Back Sunday is more enjoyable when you’re at least medium buzzed. TBS was very dramatic and screamy to me when I was a teen, if you couldn’t tell I was more into the pop side of pop-punk and songs about preppy girls who were mean to poor punk boys. But I know the hits, and let’s just say Brand New didn’t make this playlist.
8. “DAMMIT” – BLINK-182 | I’ll smile, and you’ll wave / We’ll pretend it’s okay | Not everyone here who knows I married A Guy in a Band thinking I was going to put “The Rock Show”!!!! Suckas!!!!
9. “UP AND GO” – THE STARTING LINE | Excuse me, but this won’t take long / I’m sorry for writing you this song / But just what do you think you deserve? | Firmly the middle ground of bands I like, this probably isn’t even my favorite TSL song. But it recently popped up on someone else’s much longer, much more extensive emo/pop-punk Spotify playlist and I could NOT get over how petty the lyrics were? Some carless bitch knew this song was 1000% about her. Chef’s kiss!
10. “CAPITAL H” – MOTION CITY SOUNDTRACK | Singing songs from the balcony as the city crumbles under the powers of an evil doctor rocket science monster with capabilities to destroy the entire universe | An MCS deep cut exclusively because it is a goofy superhero song and “Everything Is Alright” felt too much like the obvious choice.
11. “ADDICTED” – SIMPLE PLAN | I’M————trying to forget that I’m addicted to you | Imagine being the goodiest two shoes who has ever two shoed trying to figure out a way to buy a CD at FYE clearly labeled “No Pads, No Helmets, Just Balls” without your parents noticing. I am 99% sure I had Emily cause a distraction and I am 1000% sure I put that shit turned backwards with the album book inside out at the very bottom of my CD stack. I was, like, actually 13 when Simple Plan was big, but in the very real and not at all made up in my head (?) rivalry between SP and Good Charlotte, you could call me CANADIAN. Years and years and 3 swoopy-haired boys later and I can pin-point my weakness to the genre of “boys who wear wristbands on their forearms” to a very specific poster in Tiger Beat. Also, they were the chosen ones in “New York Minute,” and I don’t think any of us dare argue with the Olsens, who were notorious for getting to choose the dudes in their movies (#feminism).
12. “HONESTLY” – CARTEL | Please don’t mind what I’m trying to say because I’m, I’m being honest | A one-hit wonder or two was bound to make this list. This is a perfectly harmless bop that sonically sounded good after Simple Plan, but I also think it’s a good example of how part of the appeal of pop-punk to an aspiring writer is that the lyrics have to be … good. And the lyrics here sound like they were made by a bot who was trying to get radio play in Hot Topic. The verses are about being honest, but the chorus is about wanting the person to stay, and it doesn’t NOT make sense when I poorly explain it like that, but if you listen too closely you will definitely be, like …. what? But the music video is a cute riff on OnLiNe DaTiNg (you know, because you should be HONEST about YOURSELF behind a computer screen!).
13. “WOE” – SAY ANYTHING | I can’t get laid in this town without these pointy fucking shoes**** | Feel like I’ve been writing this blog forever, lol, how do the music journalists DO IT. I am not a Say Anything stan, really, but this was one of those songs that got snuck onto a mix made for me by a boy and I liked it a lot—it was the use of cussing with the imagery of something pretty (shoes)—and know some friends in my circle who branched out more in this direction.
14. “JERSEY” – MAYDAY PARADE | *Specifically the chorus after the bridge!!!! Cause Jersey just got colder and I’ll have you know I’m scared to death. | There is a special place in my heart for the very 🥺 boys of Mayday Parade, as they were the soundtrack to many summers driving to, like, the movie theater and also a band that is firmly in the center of my sister’s and my Vans diagram. For example, their Punk Goes Pop cover of “When I Grow Up” lives in our heads rent-free, so if you ever see the two of us go “Boys call you sexy,” What’s up, sexy?” to each other we’re not stroking out, we’re just referencing Mayday Parade. Their songs are soooo “you absolutely ripped my heart out, cut it into little pieces, sewed it back together, INCORRECTLY, ripped it out again and ran it over with your car THEN resurrected me and broke up with me for GOOD” and… you know what? I love it.
15. “ATTENTION” – THE ACADEMY IS… | May I have all your eyes and ears to the front of the room if only, if only one second? | One time when I was drinking with my college friends and we fell down the pop-punk rabbit hole, I learned that among these friends I’d known for like half a decade there were, like, 3 others who also loved The Academy Is…!!! A lesser-known band because I don’t think they ever made it mainstream? Except for the “Snakes on a Plane” song—this almost autocorrected to “Snacks on a Plane” and LOL because this era of William Beckett, well, I mean. Anyway, I really love “Black Mamba” off the “Almost Here” album specifically because it talks about fuck da magazines and I loved anything remotely referencing writing even though I was studying to work for da magazines. But I thought one of the Fueled By Ramen album intro songs deserved a spot. You know the ones — it’s always like bratty bratty brat brat listen to me your parents won’t want you to date me I have opinions but so catchy.
16. “BASKET CASE” – Green Day | Do you have the time to listen to me whine about nothing and everything all at once? | Everyone would have laughed at me if I put anything from “American Idiot” on here. See also: the thing he does with his voice at 1:40ish… I love that!
17. “HOLIDAY” – WEEZER | *Specifically the chorus after the bridge again!!! Let’s go away for a while / You and I / to a strange and distant land. | Everyone would have laughed at me if I put “Beverly Hills” on here. See also: the thing he does with his voice at 2:30ish… I love that!
18. “PAIN” – JIMMY EAT WORLD | It takes my pain away! | I forget if I told this anecdote before, sorry, this mix is so fucking long, how did I wait this long to get to the MALL, but—before the aforementioned high school boyfriend was my high school boyfriend, we spent a whole day driving around our dumb small town for some high school journalism assignment. I drove, because my car was better for dumb winding roads in dumb small towns (a Jeep) and as I would later learn after we dated – cleaner. He controlled the music and we listened to Jimmy Eat World for the majority of the day. I obviously knew “The Middle,” as I was a seasoned veteran of spending 3 hours at the YMCA where it would play on the local station 14 times. But, I remember thinking, “This is what boys like?” And thinking it wasn’t bad! I was also thinking, “My dad would kill me if he knew a BOY was in my passenger seat putting his FEET on the DASHBOARD.” Funnily enough***** Jimmy Eat World is also one of my husband’s go-to nostalgic bands, and he’s in a real band, so that’s how I know that Jimmy Eat World is a Band’s Band and Good Music. (I did have to double check if they ever did Warped Tour, though.)
19. “THE WAY WE TALK” – THE MAINE | She’s fresh to death, she’ll be the death of you | VIBE SHIFT! Now it’s time to take a quick detour to the land of Hating Hot Girls in the Year 2005-ish. Living it, I was like, “wow this is a bop!” even though The Maine was way underwhelming in person. Looking back, I am like, “why is this banged tank top wearing manchild so hung up on a hot bitch who didn’t like him”? Slut-shame much? Too prominent on my playlists not to include, even if it doesn’t hold up as well as others on this list.
20. “THE CURSE OF CURVES” – CUTE IS WHAT WE AIM FOR | And this just in, you’re a dead fit but my wit won’t allow it | Speaking of not holding up! LOL! Went back and forth with this one, because on one hand they’ve been canceled, and on the other I want to be true to what would actually be on this list if it was 2006. I decided to keep it on here, because I still don’t know what the fuck “shallow as a shower” means, go take one, sir.
21. “SHE’S A LADY”- FOREVER THE SICKEST KIDS | She’s a lady and ladies shouldn’t be messed with | This is as close to the cocky, post-3!OH3! bands I get. One time, Selena Gomez (!) did a version of this song with them where she was basically just obviously hanging out and probably trying to bang one of them. I liked this album a lot at 17 or 18, but listening to this song now I am like … why are we trying to make 8 songs at once….? I needed some minutes on this list, tho. WE’RE SO CLOSE.
22. “CHECK YES JULIET” – WE THE KINGS | Run, baby, run, don’t ever look back / They’ll tear us apart if you give them the chance | Is this a great song, lyrically? No. Do I actually usually hate surface-level “Romeo & Juliet” references? Yes.****** Is this also kind of a harmless, space-filling banger because I couldn’t call a playlist 90 minutes in the title and not make it to that? Yes.
23. “TWO WEEKS IN HAWAII” – HELLOGOODBYE | I just hope that we can be friends / Always, forever / But I guess that it all depends on you | This is not their radio song and I am pretty sure I found this by illegally downloading it but we were all doing that on our university’s free Wifi right?? This is just a sweet jam that builds and feels perfect for a highway drive or a book soundtrack. I lurve.
24. “THERE’S A REASON THESE TABLES ARE NUMBERED HONEY, YOU JUST HAVEN’T THOUGHT OF IT YET” – PANIC! AT THE DISCO | I’m wrecking this evening already and loving every minute of it / ruining this banquet for the mildly inspiring | I’m not religious, but if I was, my religion would be “A Fever You Can’t Sweat Out.” What an EXPERIENCE. I honestly just took turns throwing all the songs from that album on here to help fit the exactly 90 minutes void, because they are all so good. Brendon Urie is a national treasure (Taylor knows) and the musical showmanship of P!(?)ATD hit me right when I was in my peak “knowing all the words to ‘Wicked'” phase. Plus, a few of the songs are literally written about the best Chuck Palanhuik book (“Beautiful Monsters”) (another phase) and when I tell you it blew my mind????? I would still love to talk about it the next time we get drunk.
25. “DARK BLUE” – JACK’S MANNEQUIN | Dark blue, dark blue, have you ever been alone in a crowded room? | Jack’s Mannequin was out here doing the damn thing, and this song still makes me want to cry. Would have been a runner up to No. 5 if it also wasn’t a perfect playlist almost ender.
26. “MISERY BUSINESS” – PARAMORE | WOAAHH I never meant to brag | OF COURSE. OFFFFF COURSEEEE we had to end this with the one, the only, the incomparable Hayley Williams, who would hate that this song is even on this list because she refuses to play it anymore due to it being a shameless song about slut-shaming and tearing down other women. AKA it was probably written in like 2005. But, you know what? I have only ever witnessed “Misery Business” bringing women together: at sleepovers during summer break in high school; in the dorm room before going out to flirt with boys who weren’t good enough for you; in cars after not seeing each other for months post-grad; at 1 a.m. at the bachelorette party because I had clearly taken control of the Alexa and green tea shots had taken control of me. My thing with feminism and most woke theory is that it needs to be okay to live with our mistakes and our yikes, because what counts is what you do from here on out. And what Hayley Williams and Paramore did after “Misery Business” actually has been far better than any of the dudes on this list. Some of us were making covers of “Africa” or getting abuse allegations and some of us were putting out sleeper smash “One of Those (Crazy Girls).” Some of us were theme-songing FOOTBALL (NOT over it, we HATE sports!), and some of us were showing up in Taylor Swift’s music videos. Hayley Williams is a badass bitch who had to deal with the definitely 100% I can only imagine unbearable boys club of Warped Tour and Warped Tour peripherals, but she’s the only one here with a “This Is…” Spotify compilation that solidly slaps from first to last. (In particular though, “Riot!” is gold.) GRL PWR!!!!!!!
—
I hope this playlist makes you feel like you’re 15 or 16 and have been given the keys to the goddamn teen kingdom (which, in 2004, looked a lot like a Hot Topic) and a sense of endless freedom. You can drive wherever you want, with your parents’ permission, and, if it’s just your temps, also a parent. You can dress however you want, by following the school dress code and making sure your parents are okay with the 23 rubber bracelets you wanted to wear. You can control the radio wherever you go, or quietly though your own set of headphones at the pool or at a respectable volume in your room with your sisters while you play Marvel Ultimate Alliance for PS2.
Turn it up, and — thnks fr th mmrs.
* ☹️
** I have a full-time job and a Netflix documentary to watch about my ex-full-time job LOL
*** Spoiler alert: I defend many of these choices by simply saying “I love it” as that is my level of musical technicality writing.
****Runner up: She took pity on me horizontally most likely because of my band LMAO
*****Funnily is such a weird-looking word, is that really a word?
******Is your regular degular high school romance REALLY as tragic as KILLING YOURSELVES OVER IT idk. I just am not sure about that. Seems a little dramatic! And before you @ me, yes, I like to disassociate when I scream along to Taylor Swift’s “Love Story” in which she also misunderstands the seriousness slash intention of “Scarlet Letter.”
hi, i’m holly. 