thank u, covid

I got my first dose of the COVID-19 vaccine yesterday.

I feel — okay! My arm is sore, but I don’t remember the last time I got a shot that wasn’t made of Jell-O or inspired by the cast of “Vanderpump Rules,” so I think the pinch is normal. I also haven’t, like, turned into a villainous lizard or anything yet so I think that we are good.

I’m not going to use this space to preach to people to get the vaccine. People who are gonna get it, are gonna get it. And people who aren’t, aren’t worth the energy of trying to change their minds.

BUT if you, too, happen to be a little nervous about needles and once cried in a Claire’s instead of just getting your damn ears pierced like a normal nine year-old*, then let me assure you it is Not That Bad. I mean, I have heard the second dose is the Bad one, so maybe this post needs a sequel, but the experience so far was an overwhelmingly positive one.

My husband (!) got vaccinated in December, or maybe January. I forget—but it was early because he works for the health department. I figured I’d have to wait it out and keep doing the damn thing, and TBH, I was content with the May 1 goal. May 1 meant I could probably get something by June, which meant I could probably hop on an airplane by the literal second past two weeks after my second shot.

But here we are! Halfway there! Shoutout to modern medicine, and believing in science, and my clinician who was blaring “No Scrubs” from her laptop, and to all the Biscoff cookies I’m about to eat on my next flight.**

I contemplated doing a “what have I learned about myself in the pandemic” post, but, listen, nobody wants to read that. I certainly don’t want to read yours. I know what we all learned. We learned it sucks to sit in our houses for 13 months. We learned we should listen to experts and not narcissistic clowns. We learned that we can match our pink masks to our pink nails to our pink phone cases. WE LEARNED, okay.

But, I also felt like I’d be doing the universe or whatever a disservice if I didn’t mention the inevitable end of the pandemic that had caused me so much anxiety and creative frustration and unable-to-leave-my-house-stration that I started this blog in the first place.

And instead of boring you with my eternal internal struggle of being a writer who writes for work (trust me—this pandemic in the work place … in my work place … another time with way more wine), or blabbing more about how I experienced a huge life moment without my best friends able to be present, or how I am unsure if my posture or my online shopping habit has gotten the most worst this past year, or how much I miss hoppin’ off a plane at LAX… I would write a thank you note ish to this airborne atrocity that fucked up everyone’s entire life, but has left us with some lessons (and undoubtedly newfound PTSD from the Microsoft Teams ping).

Because it wasn’t ALL bad, right? We found new ways to support our favorite businesses, like getting bottles of rosé delivered to your doorstep biweekly. Some of us were productive, and some of us rewatched the Marvel Cinematic Universe. A lot of us got used to having to look at our video screens facing back to us and realizing we all look a little bit like Frankenstein’s monster.*** We all got the alerts that our phone usage was up 23045% on the weekends, right? We also did a shit ton of walking, because sometimes there was nothing to do inside your house and the only thing to do outside your house was to walk somewhere and then walk back to your house.

And yes, it was all terribly traumatic and I never want to experience a “commute” ever again and I’m really fucking mad that we still haven’t seen “Fast 9,” but there are some things that I simply adapted to, and when I didn’t adapt, I learned how to cope—like when I started this blog that 23 of you read.

And also to be real for a sec: OBVIOUSLY, this pandemic was devastating. I really hope the whole “once in a lifetime pandemic” thing leans into the “once” part. Too many people died, it was absolutely no laughing matter. I got really lucky to stay employed, to be able to pay my rent every month, to not get sick. That’s a serious amount of privilege and I wanted to acknowledge it. I also don’t really know how to cope without trying to make people laugh or snicker, and so I needed to vent with a sassy blog. If that comes across as callous or distasteful… I am sorry. One of these days I’ll get my ass to therapy.

In the meantime, with an enormous sigh and of fucking course a listicle, I would like to say thank u, COVID, for a few things I will be taking with me into post-pandemic life.

Also thank u, NEXT.

not hugging people

This is an unpopular opinion, but there is not an ounce in my body that misses hugging people.

Physical touch is not my love language, unless it is petting a cat or handing someone a shot glass so that we can do shots together and our fingers accidentally touch or something. I could go my whole life never hugging someone who wasn’t my husband or my immediate family or my best friends ever again, and now that I don’t have a contagious illness to blame it on, I guess I’ll just go back to being a stone cold bitch.

generally not being around (too many) people

Again with the people! So many people. I do not miss them. I do not miss them breathing down my neck in lines to get coffee or pay for groceries. I do not miss them being completely inept when it comes to simple unspoken courtesies like entering only through entrances and exiting through exits. I do not miss them crowding my elbow space at the bar while I am ordering three buttery nipples. I do not miss them being loud and annoying when there are too many of them on the patio or in the restaurant or in the Target. I do not miss them being too stupid to drive their cars during rush hours or any time in Columbus, Ohio. I do not miss them bringing their babies on airplanes or into bars. I simply do not miss being around most people.

Certain people, well, duh. Of course I miss my sisters. Of course I miss my best friends. Of course I miss my work wives, although the group chat has been LIT for a year now, let’s just say. I even miss a few peripheral friends who I won’t even immediately hang out with once we’re all vaccinated, but might run into at a bar or something, sometime.

But as far as big group activities? Hard pass!

I don’t miss concerts. Ryan misses playing live music, because he is a bassist,**** so I get it. When that is allowed, I will go to his shows and sip my vodka tonics (or tonic, singular, as I am 30 now) and avoid most of the other people in those tiny, sweaty, cough-y, germ spread-y oh god such small spaces.

I don’t miss sports, because do you even know whose blog this is?

I don’t miss movie theaters, except for our local one that we go to and drink at like every other week. When they show a movie I want to see that involves people driving cars fast and furiously, then I will go back to a theater—and go back to rolling my eyes into the back of my head when some idiot says something out loud to the screen. (Vin Diesel can’t HEAR YOU.)

The only type of big crowd activities that I miss, barely, are farmers markets and two select block parties where you don’t actually have to interact with the crowd if you don’t want to.

I miss farmers markets so much, because free samples, but also because social distancing has made the sip-iced-coffee-and-buy-a-bouquet-and-a-croissant Saturday mornings difficult. It feels too urgent, because you are trying to get in and out and not get COVID-19.

The other two are (1) Ohio Brew Week, held in the magical land of Athens, Ohio during peak summer where it’s so hot I actually melt into a puddle of Rhinegeist’s Little Bubs Session Rosé Ale like I am Alex Mack. But, I am just so happy to be in Athens and also likely drunk enough that I do not mind. And (2) Grandview Hop, a goofy little street fair that used to happen at the end of every month, with a handful of vendors and music and a nice excuse to take a walk (for fun, not for sheer, desperate escape) up to Grandview Ave. Also, it was an opportunity to drink Rhinegeist Bubbles Rosé Ale in the streets.

But being around people just for the sake of being around people? A nightmare.

working from home with cameras off

Man oh man, have my resting bitch face and I had quite a year.

I never thought I’d be one of those writers who, like, purposefully chose to be a writer so they would never have to leave their house. They get up at like 3 a.m., go for a jog and write 402 pages or whatever, I don’t know, I think I read once that Dan Brown does that.

Anyway. Pre-pandemic, I always enjoyed the literal distance put between me and my work. The whole 35 minutes on a good day distance. My work place was my work place, and when I wasn’t there I did not work. I also need routine, so you can imagine this year really fucked me up. Now I have a NEW routine, and it involves going into my home office to work and then closing my computer and going to sit on the home couch downstairs, and I don’t have to cuss out a single person on a single highway when I do it.

My acceptance and then preference of working from home happened in waves, not unlike COVID-19. First, it was stressful, because Microsoft Teams sucks and not just because suddenly your co-workers think it is appropriate to message you at 10:38 p.m. EST.*****

Then, I was like, “Oh no, how will we do XXX meeting virtually???” and “AHH, how will we give XXX presentation virtually???” And then—!!!—we had done one full season of meetings and presentations, and another, and a whole goddamn Black Friday, and another season of meetings and presentations. All virtually. All successfully. Any meeting I thought we might need to be in the office for, we did from the comfort of our own damn houses. And you know what? We made the company money while doing it, too.

In the fall, when there was, like, a one-month period where things seemed Less Bad, places started asking people to … come back. What? No. Come back to where? TO WHY.

By this point, my feelings were: there is, you know, still a pandemic. And also: why the actual fuck would I want to sit six feet away from other people, with a mask on, constantly sanitizing my hands, constantly assessing whether or not someone’s contaminated breath (and they would be contaminated, because brunch did NOT stop for some of these people) could reach my lungs IN AN OFFICE when I could do my full job from home with none of the fear or literal danger and three times the felines?

For the “social interaction”???? My camera is off but I am definitely shaking my head.

Sure, it was a bummer to miss out on birthdays and life events and reasons to snack, and my team would have thrown me one hell of a bridal shower but, um … I don’t know. Maybe when this is Over, we can do our work during work time and still do happy hours or something together like actual human beings who like each other outside of job titles and responsibilities and that would be fine. Fun, even!

Give my funny comment in the meeting thread a double tap and my social meter is FULL for the day, baby.

And also, the peace of mind working from home gives you? Holy shit. I can write my little words (and there are a LOT of little words), and then head to an appointment mid-afternoon, without having to waste an entire half day on it. I can go downstairs and snack. I can capture my cute-ass cats doing cute-ass things and post it on Instagram in real time. I can already be home when I am done working and not get charged with vehicular womanslaughter.

And, yes, I know, working from home isn’t “perfect.”

Obviously, “brainstorming” is weird. Obviously, I miss the caf walks. But that’s, um … it. I do not miss not seeing my boss for more than 30 seconds because she’s physically locked in meetings all day. I do not miss the questionable decor decisions and uncomfortable seats and bad technology. I do nottttt miss the crowds at lunchtime.

A lot of places are listening to the people, and the people are saying REMOTE4EVER. My soon-to-be former employer, though, loves people and doing things like enormous mandatory meetings where people all sit around a singular fire pit for some reason, so they will never be remote forever. We were given the green light for a Monday and Friday work-from-home schedule, but I was dreading the inevitable day where in-person meetings pop up on the cal those days, because my almost ex company is also not great at recognizing that maybe the reason no one can meet at the same time except at 6 in the morning or 7 p.m. at night is because they’re TOO BUSY.

And I know I know I know. We have to go back. In some capacity. Eventually I will have to go to an office again. In my life. Sometime. And actually, between the time I started the post and now, I’ll be headed to a new office. I still would love to work from home, even a little bit, especially once the excitement of a new desk and new desk accessories wears off. But who knows? Maybe a fresh place and fresh air without COVID will give me a fresh perspective.

Also maybe they will give me a few remote days. PLEASE.

hanging out with my cats literally 24/7

My cats aren’t like other cats. When I read about cats who are aloof or elusive, I think, who the fuck are those cats, because mine are at my feet, in my lap, in my face being cute and/or evil literally all the time. When they aren’t on top of us, they are in the room with us wanting to be the center of attention (not hard to do with so much fluffy belly). I was around them a lot before the pandemic, but now I am around them A LOT.

At first, they were like, “What the hell?” and mostly ignored me slash continued to sleep for 22 hours a day. Then, one of them, my eldest and most vocal princess, decided that she should demand my attention ONLY when I was in a virtual meeting where I needed to be on camera and/or presenting work to my boss’s boss. They have now scheduled their daily bitch fights for approximately 4:00 p.m. They have also barfed on my velvet chair, a few times. They have charmed many a co-worker (I think).

I got so attached to having my cats around me all the time that I had to get ONE MORE. And now, my fun fact during awkward virtual on-boarding meetings is, “Hello, I am Holly and I have three cats.” It’s always the most cats. Amazing. And definitely not too many.

In all seriousness, my eldest cat will be 18 (!) in July. And while she is 1000% not letting me forget she’s been that bitch, still that bitch in her old age, she is definitely slowing down. (She is also definitely pissed that we adopted a baby cat when all she has wanted her entire existence was to be in a one-cat household and had *just* started tolerating her step-sister after five years.) It has been nice to spend so much extra time with her on my lap, by my side, on my freaking desk WTF, even if I have to bribe her with wet food so she won’t scream when I’m trying to impress the CEO.

cocktails to-go

One of my top ten no top five no top THREE things to do is drink a nice cocktail. COVID ushered in many things, most of them terrible, but the “cocktails to-go” revolution was not terrible.

Ryan and I had food delivered a regular amount before the pandemic, but I think it has become, like, maybe my preferred method of dining (unless you’re going out for a very specific meal/aesthetic) — especially when you toss in a pre-made, classy-ass tequila-based pinkish drink.

I have had full bottles of wine delivered to my house more times than I can count this year. I have massively enjoyed being able to support one of my favorite bars ever to exist, without having to ever get in my car and drive all the way across town and take 20 minutes to find parking, JFC.

Don’t get me wrong, when my other favorite cocktail place reopens, I will absolutely be booking a reservation, but, damn. Cocktails delivered to your house??? Usually with free delivery because who tf only orders one cocktail??? Life changing.

saving so much money from being trapped at home

HAHAHAHAHA.

*checks online shopping purchases from the last 12 months*

*cries*

—————————

*Fun Holly fact: I am still pierce-less! My ears are not pierced, which has confused many a female friend before. Don’t buy me earrings, lol.

**Coincidentally—or NOT—my best friend sent an email to her bridal party less than 24 hours before Ohio’s governor announced vaccinations opening up for people 16 and up about a long weekend in Seattle this summer for her bachelorette party. The WAY my Reformation cart went from 0 to $1400 and my serotonin went from 0 to however you measure a high amount of serotonin!!!

***Yeah, “Frankenstein” is my favorite classic, after “The Great Gatsby” and “Jurassic Park” (an undisputed classic), so, yes, I am that bitch.

****Who has never seen “I Love You, Man” don’t even say it.

*****The leadership response to this was not, “Wait, why the hell is this happening, it is so inappropriate” but instead “Well, you could mute your Teams at night.” So. #riseandgrind !!!